This is another Letter to Ed that of course did not get published, because I included specifics that could identify the asshole in question. But it felt good to get it off my chest. And if you’re ever in Ottawa, and driving on our roads, keep a wary eye peeled for….

Editor:

Once again, I had cause to reflect on the unfairness of life.
Some fellow had spent decades building a life and a business,
to the point where, in his declining years, he could afford
to be out on eastbound Fallowfield Road in a large, late-model
(light-taupe) Mercedes sedan (AYXC-354), this morning.

What’s unfair about that, you ask?  Well, now that he’s
“arrived”, he’s begun losing his mental capacities. Sure,
the old folks like to take their time… really, really take
their time, as they (do whatever it is they do instead of) accelerate
away from traffic stops, and don’t manage to achieve the speed
limit. But this fellow was literally all over the road. From
behind, as we watched him stray half a car-width into the
oncoming lane, we thought he was a perhaps a sales rep, doing
his appointment books on the passenger seat. Then, he
swerved majestically to the right and cruised fully on the
shoulder for half a kilometer before suddenly, almost violently
correcting. Good thing we hadn’t given in to the temptation
to pass.

The woman with her young passenger, coming the other way,
also did some wandering onto her shoulder, but her swerving
was not due to her inattention or incompetence. She was saving
herself and her child from eating a Mercedes hood ornament.

As we and the Mercedes arrived side-by-side at the Merivale
intersection, we were able to see the age of the driver
(at least late seventies, I’d guess) and the nature of
the engrossing task that was more important than driving.
He had successfully secured the flip-cap of his Tim Horton’s
coffee (Tim Horton’s is a Canadian donut shop and institution).

So, it’s unfair that someone who worked long and hard to
achieve financial success now loses his faculties when
he should be enjoying his reward. It’s also unfair to
the next oncoming mother and child who might not see
him in time. I’m sure his Mercedes technology will do
a better job of protecting his old bones from the front of her
Hyundai, than hers will do fending off his front bumper.

That’s the way I see it, anyway.

Copyright 2008